I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
