he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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