last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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