I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
