Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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