just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
