The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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