If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
