Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
