I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
