these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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