would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
