I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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