I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
50% drunk capacity currently
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
