yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
