mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
