dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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