She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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