He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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