Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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