Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
