i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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