sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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