i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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