3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
