I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
