Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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