my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
