Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
