Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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