I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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