dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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