Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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