Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
