Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
