every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
