I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
