I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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