I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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