i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
