if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
