Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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