It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
