Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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