Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
