It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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