um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
