I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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