I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize