he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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