In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
