just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
