Please, let me fuck your mom
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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