my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Someone signed my nipple.
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