Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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