I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
