I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
