Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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