I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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