Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
