To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
