So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.