A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.