woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!