chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Found your dick twin last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.