im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.