so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize